Is Writing Your Memoir Self-Indulgent?

Picture this:

May 2024, a lovely home overlooking a field on the outskirts of Lancaster, PA.

A book club of seven women discussing The Only Way Through Is Out, with me, the author, in attendance.

I doubt I imagined this scenario when I was slogging through the early drafts of my memoir, but what I can tell you is that it is sweet—and fun—on this side of the journey!

“I don’t usually read memoirs,” one of the women said a bit sheepishly during our conversation. “But I liked yours.” I asked her why she wasn’t a memoir fan.

I smiled. “I’m curious. What don’t you like about memoirs?”

She said that she was a retired high school English teacher with a strong preference for fiction, then hesitated.

“I typically find memoirs to be self-indulgent,” she said quietly.

And I smiled more broadly because I’ve heard that before.

I’ve even written a blog post about it.

Self-indulgent.

Narcissistic.

Navel-gazing.

Disparaging words that prey on the deep fears of memoir writers, and in some cases keep people from writing their stories at all.

Here’s the truth about memoirs:

Memoirs CAN be self-indulgent, narcissistic, and exercises in navel-gazing.

And unfortunately some of the memoirs I’ve read recently DO fall into those traps.

Nope, I’m not going to name names.

But here’s the good news:

By following ONE simple principle, you CAN write a memoir that is NOT self-indulgent or narcissistic.

The principle: Always think about your reader!

That means knowing:

• Who your reader is.
• Why they’re coming to a book like yours.
• What they need to know & why.
• What you want them to know, feel, or do after they read your book.
• Keeping your reader front and center is the key to combating the fear that you’ll write a self-indulgent piece of mush.

Instead, you’ll be on your way to writing a meaningful memoir, one that readers will connect with.